Dear lost and broken one,
If you feel like a puzzle piece stuck in the wrong box, or a page torn from a book no one knows how to read. If you study the road map and still can’t find your way, overwhelmed by the prospect of having to take even one more step.
If you find yourself standing in a room full of people and yet are still undeniably alone. If you look into the eyes of another, seeking a friend, only to find them a stranger. If you feel like the rest of the world is in on the joke, while you are still waiting for the punch line.
If you feel like every step you take is shaky, every word you say is insecure. If you look at yourself and wonder who you are or why you’re here or what good can you bring into this world.
If your burden is heavy and relentless and unwavering. If you feel your back breaking underneath it.
If you lost yourself somewhere along the way. If you are tired and want to give up.
If you have given up.
If you wish that you had any other life but your own. If the days and the hours and the seconds feel too long. The mountains, too high. The steps, too far. The breaths, too hard and too many.
If you find yourself stuck in the darkness, seeking light and never finding it. Or, if you find yourself finally flooded with light, only to discover you crave the darkness instead.
If you have been knocked down, beaten up, kicked around, and screwed over too many times to count. If you feel like you’ve been force to fight one battle too many. If life has not been kind or gracious or considerate.
If you look at your scars and think them fault lines, gaping open in the broken places for everyone to see. If you feel irrevocably lost, damned to wander the darkness alone until your numbered steps run out of road.
If you crave oblivion because it’s the only thing that you think you deserve.
If you feel all of that, and more, let me tell you something, my love.
You are not broken.
You are not lost.
You are beautiful.
You are lovely.
Like stained glass, or a sonata in a minor key. Like a mosaic. A cold cup of coffee. A tree with no leaves.
A pure work of art.
Where you feel broken, I see simply a few cracks. A few scars.
Where you feel lost, I see someone seeking a better path. A better life.
Your fault lines are evidence of your change, your growth, your power.
Your wandering detours are proof of your bravery, your quest for truth, your resilience.
You are strong and you are unshakeable.
Though you may bend, you will not break. Though you may have scars, you are not ugly. Though you are alone, you are not abandoned. Though you may wrestle with your demons, you are not a monster.
Though you may not know where you are going, you are not lost.
Though you may have cracks, you are not broken.
You are beautiful and you are lovely. Right now, as you are.
Your cracks, your scars. Your good steps and your missteps and your just plain extra steps.
All beautiful. All lovely.
You will find the means to light your own way, and in turn will light up others’, too.
You will one day walk the path surefooted, and others will follow you.
You are beautiful and you are lovely.
So keep going, my love. You’re almost there.
And when you get there, you’ll realize you found your way long before.